No one ever necessarily told me it was possible to do it all...but is it silly to admit that I expected I could? I remember endless times throughout my childhood, teenage years, and even early adulthood where my mom's sweet and encouraging voice would offer the words "Hannah, you can do all things...but you can't do all things WELL."
In this season of business ownership and raising a small human (who might I add is very...spirited) it can almost feel embarrassingly obvious that my shortcomings make it impossible to feel successful. If I crush a productive work day then I feel mentally and physically spent by the time dinner should be started and my son needs my full, undivided, and energetic focus. Alternatively, when I'm thriving in toddler rearing and feel available and present as a wife and a friend I have a running list in the back of my mind of all the work tasks that I'm falling behind in.
When I returned back to work after my maternity leave I remember feeling almost confused at how I was supposed to mentally juggle both worlds. Those first twelve weeks of motherhood were entirely devoted to my own physical recovery and my son's wake windows and nursing intake, which somehow felt similar to a workload of TWO full time jobs - and yet, here I was jumping back into a long list of projects and clients and trying to keep my brain operating in simultaneous spinning wheels.
And I know every working mom can emphatically agree this transition feels like a LOT.
My son is now 2.5 years old and while the parenting role has transitioned from counting diapers to ambitiously consuming every parenting podcast about how to raise a toddler and survive....it still feels divisive to the entrepreneur side of me.
And to be honest, I think that's OKAY.
I've mellowed out over the last few years and given myself more grace to remember no one can do it all...and we aren't supposed to either. I won't show up on social media and pretend like i'm not answering emails in my pajamas at 11 pm with Greys Anatomy reruns on in the background because my son is asleep and it's my quiet time to chug....BECAUSE THAT'S REAL LIFE.
I'm so proud to be a working mom - I love what I do and design is an undeniable passion of mine. I also love being a mom and find it to be the most complicated yet fulfilling and refining role I've ever been given. I'm choosing to not focus on my limitations, but rather, create space and margin in my schedule to slow down and enjoy both in all the imperfect and chaotic realness they both offer.
I'm not sure if I'll ever feel balanced and that isn't my goal either. I want to be aware of the season of life I'm in - to be flexible enough to ebb and flow with the priorities that show up as both a designer and a mom and ultimately to honor the title I was given to raise a little human and show up for him in the best way I can knowing that life is short.
So cheers to all the working mommas out there who are juggling schedules, zoom calls, lunch packing, deadlines, sports games and somehow remembering to shower and eat...we're in the thick of it but know that we're in it together!
XOXO,
Hannah
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